Addiction is a family disease. One person may use, but the whole family suffers.
Having a family member that is struggling with addiction issues can feel very isolating and it’s normal to feel frustration, guilt, shame, anger, or resentment toward the individual along with sadness and concern for them. It is a complex situation that is hard to navigate alone and extremely stressful, even when handled well. Addiction problems are family problems. Strong negative emotions usually arise when you are too focused on helping the individual and not focused enough on practicing self-care.
Here are some common feelings
You may feel angry that you both have to go through this.
You may feel guilty that you can’t help more.
You may wonder if you could have done something different.
You may feel angry that they are not doing everything they can to help themselves.
You may wonder if you can love them as much as you did before.
You may worry that things will never be same, or that your family will never get back to normal.
You may feel exhausted and depressed.
Things You Can Do for Yourself
Do not work harder than the person you’re trying to help. This is the most important guideline in family support, and it is the most effective way to decide how much or how little to do.
Working harder than the other person will only exhaust you and make them resent you because they will feel that you are pushing too hard.
If the individual doesn’t want to do anything to help themselves, you can still do something by being an example of balance and self-care.
Loving someone with an addiction can be exhausting even when there are not many obstacles. You also need time to recover. Take care of yourself.
Avoid self-blame. You can’t control another person’s decisions, and you can’t force them to change.
Being a caretaker is not good for you or the other person. Understand that there is only so much you can do.
If you believe you need help setting these boundaries and the information above resonates with you, I am here to support you.